when did your heart go missing?

"when did your heart go missing?"

- Rooney

funny...that was the first song that played when i turned on my mp3 on my way home after the game at the MRT...
dang! my heart is missing? ehhh...
---
i actually didn't see myself watching the DLSU-ADMU Game 1 of the UAAP finals. i had in mind of just staying at home and watching it on TV since i didn't have any tix admist all the effort (ehhh...hehehe). but then again, a surprise text from Janet...we got tix but its only upper b...but its fine...as long as i can watch the game live...and oh, be part of this History!!! hahaha
---
on tix...so here...got some extra tix and texted everyone who wants it and told them its the same price and i wasn't into scalping basta ba...they'll be cheering loud for DLSU! hahaha and oh my... no one is replying... while others did reply but can't make it or rather stay home? (the heck?! others are dying to get tix and now that you are offered for tix...ayaw mo pa? haaay...) anyway, only the next day that a friend of mine wanted it. ok, good!
---
so...we got to Araneta Coliseum really early at around 12nn. (oh...that's really early...with 4 hours to waste before game time...) oh...but it wasn't that early coz there were lots of people already there but still, we got good seats...infairness...hehe
hmmm..to waste time...rami kwentos of Janet and I about different things. its was a good way to catch up with each other too.

onto the game... i cheered the team all throughout the game...whether we were up or down. oh i like the half time cheering thing...galing! all La Salle schools were 1 and with the crowd. ummm ofcoursem there were calls that were bad enough...ugh...but more onto the DLSU players...i'm not being bitter but i am not blind to see those unfair calls. there were unfair calls for both schools but it was more with DLSU. (hello? for the nth time...what's new?!) what else? oh yeah..an Atenean who taunted Mangahas (funny thing was that they were called technicals? or just fouls? for both players...oh baket?! that Atenean started it all...gah! and you can see it on the replay on screen...tssss...and of all players? si Mangahas pa...hello?! he's like Jvee whose just quiet and humble. haaay. dang!) oh...what else? yep...great block by that Atenean to Rico! galing. but then do you have to taunt him after you do that? yeah...classic one ah?! eh!!!...hmm...yep, ADMU really deserve to win the game but just remove those attitudes that are unnecessary for the game. ok lang ung magyabang kasi...wag lang ung sobra...=)

oh well...i really felt good coming into the game.
but then result was not good enough.
DLSU - 61
ADMU - 69

and when i got home...i was still pissed...might have been brought by the game and...i was so impatient with little things...then to myself...grrr! grumpiness! hahaha
---
then today...i had an interview on sales. the first interview went well...then the next one didn't.
i felt such a boo boo after the interview. all the things that i learned in school, dang! i forgot! pathetic...lousy feeling! =(then after that... i ranted out it all out to Janet and Ira over lunch. (thanks for keeping me up and understanding me...hehe) after that, i had another interview. and i waited for it for more than an hour. then there...the interview. i really blew it!

i just hated feeling bad for myself.
i said some wrong answers...and there...i know i am shy...and they saw it.
and i just kept saying yes yes yes...to whatever that they say.
after all the interviews and assessment...i didn't get in.
and that was fine with me coz i just wanted to try it out on sales.
but it really hit me! sales is not really for me...and sales doesn't like me. hahaha
yeah yeah...laugh it out?

i just don't feel good with this day that happened to me. ofcourse, there is that pressure because they know my sister. but other than that...it hit me...the shyness...yes. i know that i am shy but i can have the job done.
ohhh... i just don't like sales...selling big serious stuff...
i just felt really down. alam mo yun...when you are down already...mas lalo ka binabaon. =(
mixed feelings...inferiority...low esteem...everything just went there...down the drain for me.
it's like..."ok...please, shoot me now!"
nuff of those crap...please!!!
just wanna be invisible...and argh... i dunno =(
parang wala nang natira sa akin...

but all these experiences help me realize so many things...
all the boo boo's that i did should never happen again.
sales is not really for me.
i am not really for sales.
i am more on processing.
(oh...just wanted to thank Janet for hearing me out after the interview. hope you can help me out too...hehehe thanks!)
--
so here...
when did my heart go missing?
the song played for me after the game...how appropriate? it hit me again?! hahaha
yeah...i felt that i was convincing myself that i am ok... i am ok with the lost for game 1 but i was not.
yeah...i felt that i was convincing myself that i am ok... i am ok with the job on sales but i was not.

was i only fooling myself?
i guess so...

my heart is not into these things that went through...
i mean...my heart was there but it was just half-hearted.
so i really need to put it whole heartedly on everything i get into...
so...yeah... that's when my heart gone missing...=(
--
oh...guide me...lead me...Lord...=)